you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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