My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
