Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had sex on a dog bed..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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