I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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