I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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