If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
