So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
