Ketchup is God's man juice
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
