whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
