my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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