I'm going to jail i love you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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