I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
