The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
