You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
