i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize