i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
