I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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