Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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