Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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