Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
