"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This baby is an asshole
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
