Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
