I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
