the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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