Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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