You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
