awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What drink are we having for lunch?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
