i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
