How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
