i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
