Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
