The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
