So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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