i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm just crazy horny about you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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