8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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