fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize