He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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