she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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