the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
