I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
