Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize