apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
