get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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