Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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