why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
