Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
