While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
