does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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