i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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