why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
