next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize