Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
