Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
