Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
