You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
