You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's the barista slut.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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