Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
