I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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