the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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