maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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