i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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