Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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