Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
