He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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