there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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