The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize