So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize