it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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