like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
