she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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