im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
