Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
