I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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