Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
