so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
