I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
