Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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