There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
