So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
