what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
