new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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