It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
