3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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