i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize