thus making me awesome and them whores
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
