Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
