My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
