So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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