I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
