He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
