Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
