I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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