I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
