I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
