: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
