I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize