Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
