You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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