A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
