He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize