he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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