new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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