Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
