I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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