ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
