It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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