i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
