i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
